I wanted the title to read “When I Die: The Effects Of Breathing in Microwaving Fumes and Other Dumb Things I’ve Done” but I felt it’d be too long…

So why am I writing about this morbid subject. cause I’m goth duh… and Dan Brown reminded me of this interesting policy. I just want the digiverse to know what my digiwill is so it doesn’t format my digilife… after all 01100001 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100111 01101001 01101100 01101001 01100110 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100001 00100000 01110100 01100101 01110010 01110010 01101001 01100010 01101100 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110111 01100001 01110011 01110100 01100101 am I right? (btw… that’s “a digilife is a terrible thing to waste” in binary). So don’t delete anything. The concern that many have and that facebook realizes is that hooligans will vandalize and tarnish the name of the deceased. I’ll be dead though, so I promise I wont care, I wont “roll over in my grave” (there’s a reason for that which I’ll get to later). In fact when I die I want some terrible shit said about me, like some of the darkest jokes possible. I hereby put Zac Little in charge of the hate blogosphere, Zac don’t let me down. Also how possible would it be to have everyone I’m friends with change their status’s to “it’s complicated” with Jory Caron. After all, that status is by far the least appreciated, well that and widowed… but that’s too literal and so depressing. I also want someone to take over my account and start friending people and writing on others walls… oh the fun we could have…

What do I want to happen to my lifeless human vessel? Do I want to be buried in a large beautiful cemetery? No. Do I want to be cremated? That’s only half true. Please note this is a working will and so it may change without warning. As of right now I want to be placed in a plane and taken to at least 10,000 feet. This being completed I want the Pilot to illuminate the smoking sign. Without hesitation I want the  flight attendant (played by Harrison Ford, or a look-alike if Harrison Ford decided to quit before me) to light me on fire and jettison me from the plane while saying “Get off my plane“. Did I mention the in flight movie is “The Flying Tailor“? No. Sorry, yeah it is and it should’ve started about 5 minutes ago (we’re in future plane space by the way) don’t make the same directing mistake I made either… we only have one shot to get this right. And now you’re definitely wondering what the target of my fire arrow like self is… an active volcano. The irony of being on fire and plummeting into a fiery pit is something I’ve always held close to my heart. And God willing it’ll be real close to my heart when I sink into the liquid hot magma. I’d probably just burn out on top though… right? whatevs…

So yeah to sum up… Don’t delete my digiself… Insult me with dark clever insults… Complicate with me… and Watch me burn…